The latest post in the ‘Moments That Made Me’ series comes from author and blogger Charlotte Underwood. Charlotte describes how marriage changed her, and how and why it was such a defining moment for her. You can follow Charlotte on Twitter @CUnderwoodUK and visit her blog at https://charlotteunderwoodauthor.wordpress.com
I think that most people would say that their wedding comes with many precious memories and is a moment they will hold in their heart forever. My wedding is more than just a happy memory, it is a defining moment in which I learnt a lesson, which I really needed to learn.
As a teenager, I fell into a long series of relationships which turned sour. I loved danger and the reckless freedom that came with my age, I chose my partners accordingly. Due to my history of being abused, I liked dependency and comfort to make me feel safe and wanted but my crippling fear of being rejected and left to die alone, meant I sabotaged everyone who became someone to me.
I remember on my wedding day, I had a thought that my husband wasn’t going to go through his vows. I was still telling myself how unimportant I was, I was seconds away from falling into old habits of destruction. However, my husband looked at me, he made me smile and laugh and I knew I had found my match. I realized that I did deserve him and that he wasn’t going anywhere soon.
This was the moment that I let go of the scared girl inside of me. I stood up on my two woobly feet and fought for a life that I wanted and damn deserved. I learnt that I am worth more than a one-night stand. A little bit of self-respect and the respect I get from my husband has gone a long way.
Now, I am not one to say that relationships are the answer, they are not. I see love as a luxury, it’s an amazing thing to have and something everyone deserves to feel once in their life, but it is not a necessity. My marriage reminded me of that because I am in a relationship but I am very much an individual, something I have forgotten in the past.
My husband did not only help me find my feet and supported me through thick and thin but he also broke the cycle of abuse. He gave me life.